I can't believe that another week has come and gone. It's hard to believe how fast time flies. Half the time I'm in denial that my mission is going by so fast...
Well, this first week has certainly been interesting. After moving into another apartment in the same complex, losing a phone, car, and my sanity I think this transfer is going to be great! It started off it a bit rough though.... I was scared when I got my transfer news. I had never had experienced sister (sisters who have been out longer than I) as permanent companions, let alone two! I was intimidated and scared. I put up a wall because it's my natural instinct to go and hide when I'm scared. We had a hard time starting off. I was struggling opening up because my darn wall is too big! I have a 16,000 foot emotional wall, reinforced with rebar and 12 inches of hardened steel. For a while I have felt like I need to tear down that wall because I've felt that it is prohibiting me from freely talking, but I've realized now that I still need this wall. This wall doesn't just keep in the bad feelings or create a good place to hide from the world, it also holds in all the good. Being on my mission has helped me soften my heart. It's tender now and I'm more receptive to the spirit, but as a result I'm also more vulnerable and sensitive. I hurt on the inside more than I've ever hurt before. I've also never felt so much love, joy, and peace before. I need my wall to contain my tender heart and to protect it. Unfortunately, there are times when negative things are thrown over my wall and start to "beat up" my tender heart.
I don't have a way to get these negative things on the other side. I'm not strong enough to throw it back over. So, I'm working to create a door in my wall. My wall will still be solid, but it can also be opened to let out the "bully." I'm not quite sure how I'm going to start chiseling at my wall, but it will be slow and steady. Prayer and pouring my heart out to Heavenly Father has definitely helped me, the Atonement packet that President Jenkins gave the mission has strengthened my testimony of the Atonement and my resolve to use it more fully has increased, and having the strength to say what is hiding behind my wall will help. I feel so blessed that I have companions who are helping me deal with my struggles. I always thought that it was just me, Heavenly Father, and Jesus Christ and His Atonement. I feel blessed to have companions who are helping me heal, open up, and letting me fully use the Atonement.
I know you're probably shocked that I have problems and struggles, but I do. I keep them to myself and I hide them behind my almost impenetrable wall. I don't want to bother others with things that I think don't matter... but they do. I have wonderful companions.
Together we are healing from past experiences and letting the Holy Spirit guide. :)
Combining wards has been harder than I had anticipated. Not being able to be together during sacrament has been a struggle because both wards start their meetings at the same time. This is also where I'm grateful for a trio because splits just became more feasible and we can divide and conquer to get the work done. We've spent a lot of time the past few days planning and getting ourselves organized. Both wards have lots of potential and other investigators that we're going to be contacting and working with. We have a lot of faith that miracles will happen. Our zone leaders want every companionship in the zone to have someone with a baptism date in the next two weeks. I have faith and hope that my companionship can do it and so can the zone. Hearing about how many baptisms (68 to be exact) that happened in March is exciting and I want to contribute. I don't know why I haven't been able to and sometimes it's discouraging, but I'm not going to let it get me down. After the planning meeting with the other zone leaders and STLs on Thursday I have a strong desire to work harder and find those that are ready to be taught and baptized. I want it. I've let Heavenly Father know, but whatever the Lord needs me to do I'll do it first.
I'm super excited for interviews on Wednesday and to talk to President Jenkins about the Atonement study guide. The talks in the packet have been A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. I've learned so much and I can't wait to learn more. Because of my studies on the Atonement my understanding and desire to use the Atonement has increased... actually it has sky rocketed. It's been such a wonderful experience to get to know my Savior better.
Well, that's all for now folks! I feel like my letters might be turning into therapy sessions... Oh well! I'll take therapy session any day over what is happening in the world right now.